Saturday, February 25, 2012

He's Amazing!

You'll all be glad to hear that my sweet pup is doing well. What's that?  You didn't know there was any reason to believe he wasn't doing well?  No worries. He's doing well again so we'll focus on that. In fact - he just had a yearly check-up and his vet continues to be amazed at just how healthy our 13 year old Little Black Angel is. I'm pretty sure he used the word "amazing" to describe our dog at least 10 times during the appointment. Yes, his hearing is not what it used to be, his eyes have clouded over a bit and he moans and groans a little more than he used to - but as far as 13 year old dogs go he's amazing. Of course, this just serves to feed my belief that Dash is actually an "eternal dog". Chris worries when I talk like this but really - all evidence points to Dash being with us forever so why deny it?

Dash may not be the most well behaved dog in the world. His reputation for destruction in his youth may have been well earned. He may not come when we call him or retrieve objects we throw for him. He may have a supernatural ability to seek and destroy every bit of cardboard in the house. He may eat his poop and roll in stinky things outside. We may have to live with the shades drawn to avoid his piercing bark with every passing squirrel and bunny. It may take 20 minutes to walk around the block as he dillydallies and wanders, stopping every few feet to sniff and mark his territory. We may cover the furniture with blankets so that he can sit with us and contort our bodies around him while we sleep.  He may - in fact - have us wrapped around his little puppy paw. 

Dash may not be the most well behaved dog in the world - but he is without question the most loved.  Oh, how we love our sweet dog. He is a special dog - a true gift from God.  It brings us joy to care for him - to be his owners - to call him ours. He brings calm to our souls - our home - our lives. God has used him to teach us patience - responsibility - love.  He is sweet, funny, loving, snuggly, protective. He's our dog, but more than that - he's the third member of our family - he has been with us as long as we have been - longer, actually.

I pray, with all my heart, that he is a happy dog. In fact, I measure our success as his owners not by how well he behaves or how obedient he is - but by his level of happiness.  I realize there are many people out there who disagree with this approach - who believe good behavior and obedience are in fact at the very root of happiness.  They are entitled to their opinion but I'd be willing to bet their dog isn't as special as ours.


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Just breathe

On Friday, my grandma stopped breathing.

Since the moment we received the call informing us of this tragedy my focus on breathing has been almost obsessive.
  • Just breathe - repeated over and over in my mind, as we drove to the hospital Friday evening.

  • Just breathe - as I stood in her hospital room responding "I'm her granddaughter" when the doctors asked who I was and then decided whether or not to give me information.

  • Just breathe - as I stood beside her hospital bed trying to calm her before they removed her breathing tube thinking "Am I old enough to be the person here with her now?  Maybe I should go find an adult?" and then realizing - crap - I am an adult.

  • Just breathe - as they took her off the ventilator.

  • Just breathe - on your own, grandma.  Don't fight it, don't struggle, be calm, relax.

  • Just breathe - every time I speak or write or read the words "she stopped breathing" and lose my own breath for a moment.

  • Just breathe - with each new moment, each new piece of information, each new day.
Praise God everyday for giving you the breath of life.  Be thankful for every breath you are blessed to take.  Marvel at the complexity - the life giving necessity - of a simple breath.  And when life gets too overwhelming to process - too painful, too difficult, too tragic - just breathe.